The inner process of home creation

Those of you who know me well, know that I always take my journey inward, as I also traverse the outer regions. For me, house creating has been a rich and sometimes treacherous journey of discovering parts of myself that have needed exposure to light. I have not owned a home since 1989, when I let go of the home I shared with my first husband Lee. Due to some of my own issues surfacing at the time of my divorce, I nearly lost that home in a foreclosure. I bailed at the last moment, but left with nothing ahead--a break-even proposition on the money and my credit rating.
So, when it came to building a 'permanent home' for myself, I have had a lot to look at. As I had the excavation dug for the basement, it took me to depths unexpected. Do I deserve a place? What does it mean to commit to being here (on the planet as well as in Crestone, Colorado?) Is my path to really have a home? Can I remain in one place without sacrificing my commitment to be of service?
The opening for the manifestation of this home came from an experience last summer whereby I was experiencing extreme environmental sensitivity. My current landlords hired a carpenter to work on this home, and he was here during a road trip that I took. When I returned to a house filled with sawdust, drywall paste spattered, a total mess, including cigarette butts put out on my living room floor, I panicked. Not only did I feel violated in my home, but I also got very sick. That night I went to bed, feeling unsafe, and changed a prayer that I had always had. The previous one had been "Let me be of service in the place where I live." On that night, the prayer became, "Let me have a stable home so that I may be of greater service." That simple and emotionally based prayer was the beginning of this amazing manifestation. Over the greater part of the past year, my home has been growing itself--first as a dream, and now as a beautiful physical container. The adventure continues, inside and out.